Tag Archives: Doritos

Sugar and salt really *are* addictive!

From Ak:

I’ve always suspected that salt and sugar are addictive—and that processed food manufacturers flip and bounce those ingredients in bizarre ways to make us freebase increasing amounts of their frankenproduct.

Now I have something besides my predilliction for nacho cheese Doritos and Hairbo gummy cola bottles to validate my suspicion: The research of David A. Kessler, a former FDA commissioner who is best known for taking on Big Tobacco.

According to this Washington Post article, Kessler, a lifelong dieter, went on a quest to get the nutritional content of some his favorite restaurant foods. For instance, to find out what makes Chili’s Southwestern Eggrolls so seductive, he dumpster dived for the boxes with the original labels affixed. Here’s what he found:

The ingredient list for Southwestern Eggrolls mentioned salt eight different times; sugars showed up five times. The “egg rolls,” which are deep-fried in fat, contain chicken that has been chopped up like meatloaf to give it a “melt in the mouth” quality that also makes it faster to eat. By the time a diner has finished this appetizer, she has consumed 910 calories, 57 grams of fat and 1,960 milligrams of sodium.

Instead of satisfying hunger, the salt-fat-sugar combination will stimulate that diner’s brain to crave more, Kessler said. For many, the come-on offered by Lay’s Potato Chips — “Betcha can’t eat just one” — is scientifically accurate. And the food industry manipulates this neurological response, designing foods to induce people to eat more than they should or even want, Kessler found.

Ultimately, Kessler wrote a book about these practices titled The End of Overating. I’m buying that book today so I can find out exactly who the guilty parties are.

Today, I’m also gleefully reframing how I think about my periodic snack resistance. Now, when I say no to the Andy Cap Hot Fries, the Herrs cheese popcorn, the gummy bears, the Whatchamacalits and the…

Sorry. Got distracted.

Anyway, abstaining from sugary, salty junk won’t be about maintaining my waistline so I can fit into The Man’s young-ass kkklothes. It won’t even be about staying healthy. I’m saying no as a fuck-you to the capitalist sociopaths who deign to keep us strung out on their edible crack rock. I love a good self-serving protest.

Ugawa motherfuckers. Ugawa.

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The D-Word

On principle, Ak has never been one to do that thing that starts with a d where you exercise more and eat less in a calculated effort to lose weight. Ak liked to think that shedding pounds should only be about health and wellness. Since Ak was healthy and well, she insisted that her pear shape was just fine the way it was.

“Fuck a scale!” said Ak.

Even when her shape would come up in the form of backhanded compliments (“Now you got some hips, girl!”) or straight-up criticism (“Hey Love, are you bloated?), Ak let it ride. She wasn’t going to let soul-killing messages of the Diet Industrial Complex distract her from more important things like paying bills and prancing in front of the mirror in drawers and high heels. Throughout her 20s, Ak’s plan worked. When she ate healthily and exercised enough, she was content. It didn’t hurt that she could do unspeakable things with Doritos, chocolate and pasta without obvious repercussions.

But just after 30, when Ak suddenly became what a dirty South suitor called “nice” (translation: not skinny, not thuck, just nice), she started secretly obsessing about being thinner.
By day she’d slip phrases like “anti-woman White supremacist beauty standards” and “psychological warfare” into casual conversation. By night she’d stomp the floor to count the jiggles. Most important, she’d stay off the scale. “Motherfuck a scale!” Ak would say, albeit weakly.

Now Ak has an official reason to obsess. Two days ago, at a much-delayed trip to the doctor, Ak discovered that:

-Her clothes are not actually shrinking in the dryer every single week.
-Clothes that were once fitted look porny because she’s gained 15 pounds in the last four years.

So Ak is on a diet. The Man has won.

For now her plan is to lose the extra padding without major deprivation. She’s going to start by saying no to the free snackfoods she eats out of boredom at work, avoiding all things Frito Lay, going to gym more than once a week, and eating fruit when she really just wants some Lemonheads. She’s also going to drink more water, and blah, blah–all that healthy stuff.

If you have any non-deprivation tips, do tell. Ak is lazy by nature, so don’t bring up shit like spinning, marathons or South Beach. And don’t be mean.

akbday071.jpg
Ak’s best “Before” shot. She’s not gonna put a full body pic up even though that would make sense…

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