Category Archives: Shady lady stuff

Connie. Gabby. Work!!!



Yesterday, as I was writing about Constance Jablonski’s blackface-with-a-random-Black-baby shoot, deja vu struck. Hard.

I was all like, “Is it that this chick looks like ‘fro’d out Claudia Schiffer on the cover of Stern Fotographie? Like French Vogue‘s shoe-polished Lara Stone? Al Jolson freaking “My Mammy”? Marsha Ambrosius?”

Then it hit me: Under the frankenlights of an ignorantly conceived and poorly executed photo shoot, the ruddy Frenchwoman Jablonski and a dark brown, Senegalese-American superstar by the name of Gaboure Sidibe are about the same complexion—chestnutty, with newborn baby poo undertones. Fashion magic!

Pantone, MAC, Sherwin-Williams: If you’re looking for a color-branding specialist, I’m available.

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Filed under Blackface, crazy+racism=cracism, Shady lady stuff, Should be embarrassed, the devil's work, Uncategorized, Vogue

High fashion is confusing to Ak

a White model named Constance Jablonski. A Black child. Grass, ostensibly African grass..

This is a swipe from a recent Numéro magazine shoot. The French model, Constance Jablonski, usually looks like this:

Constance in her natural habitat

Now, if you’re a pedestrian size 8-to-10 like me, you may not have heard of Numéro before. According to its website, what may look like litter pan liner to you is actually an “international” magazine that offers “an avant-garde view of the worlds of fashion, art and luxury.”  Apparently, “both today’s icons and tomorrow’s master talents” contribute to Numéro.

In comparing the magazine’s stated mission to the clichéd, colonialist-porn pictured above, I got confused. I hate being confused. So for my own clarity, I jotted down a few questions:

1. What is Constance doing in this picture? Why is she wearing an afro wig circa Foxy Brown and brownface circa Soul Man?”

2. Why is that baby standing in dried grass damn-near naked when Constance is layered and aggressively accessorized?

3. Of the 17 covers crawling atop Numéro‘s homepage, why is there a White person on every single living, loving, motherfucking one? And of some 60 back issues for sale, why are there just two people of color on the covers? I mean, the White woman with bangs, the White woman in orange eyeshadow, the White woman in green eyeshadow, Kate Moss in turquoise eye shadow, the White man with black fishnet on his face, the White dude spitting water into the air, and Jude Law are perfectly lovely. They are. But doesn’t this seem strange to the current icons and future masters and avant-garde-y people of all stripes who rabidly consume high fashion and images of it?

If I come up with some sensible answers, I’ll let you know.

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Filed under Blackface, crazy+racism=cracism, Shady lady stuff, Should be embarrassed, stream of consciousness, Uncategorized

A new standard for ignance: “Love yourself, hoe.”

It always fascinates me when Black women use permutations of “Black Is Beautiful” and “love the skin you’re in” to ether other sisters. That’s why I’m marveling over the latest incendiary jewel from Khia.

On Vibe.com’s One Q, One A, blogger Tray Hova asks Khia if she’s been taking shots at Barbie loyalist Nicki Minaj to drum up publicity for her upcoming album. The pro-lickey Thug Misses replies:

“Publicity stunt? Honey, what do I need publicity for? … Everybody knows that I’m against the Barbie thing. I’ve always been real. My hair is as nappy as an African after a rainstorm. We’re all beautiful just the way we are. I’m against the butt shots. I’m not into the wigs. I’m not into the Barbies. No.”

As if the “nappy as an African after a rainstorm” piece isn’t enough, Khia adds,

“She doesn’t make music for girls. It’s a difference when I say ‘My neck, my back, my pussy, my crack,’ because it’s my own. You should be making men bow down. I respect myself. Love yourself, hoe.”

Now one could argue that spotlighting/critiquing/doing color commentary about Khia’s ignance is a waste of time and brain cells. (It is, sort of. Unless you count this my contribution to the growing field of Ignance Studies.)

One could also make a strong case against the icky Pecola Breedlovalization of Ms. Minaj’s image. When she pumps that Harajuku Barbie (or Marilyn Monroe or new-faced Lil’ Kim) idea without unpacking or questioning the currency of it, she’s asking for cheap shots from shit-starters like Khia and Keys, a Nikki D-esque rugged child from Baltimore.

But in my book, the Devil’s Bargain Nicki’s made with pop consumers is a little less offensive than Khia’s pimping of Black affirmation and “rap bitch” empowerment. In the twisted universe of hip-hop morality, Nicki comes out on top.

Love yourselves, hoes.*

Get up, stand up!

Lil' Marilyn Monroe Barbie

Random aside: Sometimes Nicki sounds like Amil. 'Member her?

*Morally, politically and intellectually, this makes no sense as a kicker. But it’s too funny to resist.

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Filed under Faux empowerment, Shady lady stuff, the devil's work, Uncategorized